Forever
by gottaluvanewsie
Summary: Caitlyn Rose Miller lived a life filled with cigar smoke, brandy, and white lace. Mush lives a life of Vaudville women, shots, and the everdangerouse life on the streets. Can these two misfits find a way to help each other survive?
1. Caitlyn Rose

The wind blew against my face. My arms prickled with goosebumps. I looked out beyond the meadow, trying to imagine my life if I lived out of my imprisonment called "home". The only time I was ever able to leave my father's land was when Mother and I went to town for sheet music and fabrics. Though, that was a treasured and rare occasion, for the maids usually went to town for supplies by theirselves. Mother once said, "we must always be well rounded women"  
My only escape was to read. Mother and father didn't know that I could read. I only learned how to read from the lady cook named Maria. Maria was a beautiful 21 year old woman with golden hair that she tied up and hid behind her scarf and bright green eyes. She had learned from her grandfather, who she called "Da", how to read. She, one day when I was 10, noticed me eyeing the book she had in her arms like a peice of cake. "Do you want to read this book, child?" I knodded and frowned. She came me the book, "give it back when you're finished with it, thogh, it's my favorite"  
I looked down and handed the book back to her, "I don't know how to read, mum"  
She smiled and looked down at me, "well, I can fix that," she said, untieing her hair, "I'll teach you how." That day was the best day in my life. We would spend hours in the kitchen, me on the counter, her on a stool, practicing the alphabet. The first time I read a book, she had beamed with pride. I didn't dare tell Mother and Father, though. They felt that if a girl were to read, she'd get fantacies about far off places and question the life given to her. And they were right. I began reading a great deal of books. Everything from Pride and Prejudice to A Tale of Two Cities. I loved books, most of all, the ones about romance.  
"Child! It's time to come inside!" Maria called, "It's getting too windy." Maria had always called me "child", even though she knew my real name. I slowly began walking to my "house", Though it resembled a mansion more than a house. I felt the grass beneath my bare feet. I finally got inside, where I was met by Mother.  
"Good grasiouse, Kaitlyn Rose, what have you done to your skirts?" I looked down at my skirts. The bottoms were covered with grass stains. "Go and change, Caitlyn Rose, we are going into town.  
I looked at her as if she were crazy. "But, Mother, it's raining"  
"Well, Matilda has a cold and can't get out of bed. We have nothing to eat, so we need to go to the butchers." I knodded and ran upstairs. "Caitlyn Rose, WALK!" I slowed down.  
I slipped off my dress and went to my wardrobe. I was excited because I would be able to see the newsies. I loved when they shouted out rediculouse headlines like "Ellis Island in Flames". I quickly slipped into one of my white dresses. I hate the color white, it's so plain and boring.  
I quickly walked down the stairs and Mother and I were off. 


	2. A Boy Named Mush

I looked out to the streets. The sky was grey and the air had a humid feel to it that went stait to my lungs and made me close my eyes. Newsies were calling out rediculous headlines, as usual. "Ah, I hate that noise! Those utterly rediculouse news boys are so dreadful. Escpecially after what they did to dear Joseph." I turned and tilted my head at Mother. "Mr. Pulitzer was being so kind to those depraved children and they just decided to strike"  
I turned red from embarassment, "Mother, Pulitzer raised the prices on their news papers. They barely make a good enough living as it is"  
"Mr. Pulitzer was perfectly in his right to raise the price of the paper. He was trying to beat Mr. Herst."

"Yes, Mother, I know"  
"Now, take this money and get the paper for your father. Also, Kaitlyn Rose, get yourself a new hat. Your other one is horrifying." She placed some money on to my lap. I knodded and got out of the carriage, which had just stopped.

"Extra! Extra! New deadly disease found in a flock of pigeons, fatle to humans!" I smirked. The guy was sort of tall with puppy brown eyes and curly brown hair, hidden in a news boy hat. He smiled sweetly at me, took off his hat, and said, "good day, miss. Have you hoid about the latest news?"  
"New deadly desease, right"  
He knodded, "people have died from it already." I looked into his eyes and smiled.  
"I'll take two...one for my father and one for me."  
"You read?"  
"Yes, but my parents don't know. They'd have heart attacks if they did."  
He looked down, "I'm Mush," he stuck his hand out, it was shaking.  
I smiled and took his hand, "I'm Kaitlyn Rose." My hand was equally shaky. "Woah, Kaitlyn Rose, huh? Got a nick-name to call you by?"  
"Call me what you want." I couldn't believe how fast the words tumbled out of my mouth.  
"Then I'll call ya...Rosie. 'Cause your cheeks are so rosie." Suddenly, I couldn't even look at him. I felt my cheeks growing hot and red. And I couldn't stop smiling.  
"Mush!" A kid with short brown hair and brown eyes walked up to him. He couldn't have been older than 13. He stopped and looked at me. "Oh, excuse me, miss. I didn't know I was interupting"  
"What is it, Les?" Mush asked, a little irritated.  
"David is freaking out. His date with Allicia is tonight and he doesn't know what to wear"  
Mush tilted his head to one side, gritting his teeth. "Can't ya ask someone else to help him"  
Les laughed, "have you seen the way the guys dress? No, you'd betta help."

Mush looked at me. "I'm sorry, I have to go." He looked regretfully at me, like he had dropped money in the streets for someone else to pick up. "Do ya come to town often"  
"Not really, but I can"  
"Come into Tibby's next time you're around. It'll be easier to find you that way." I knodded. He gave me the two papers amd a good-bye and walked off.


	3. Painted Appearence

**Author's note: Sorry it's so short. I don't have alot of time lately. More coming soon.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, okay? It sucks, I know, but I don't. I do own anything you don't reconize so, yeah.**

That night I could barely sleep. Why did he want to know if I'm in town alot? I got up and went to my vanity. I lit a candle and sat on the stool in front of the mirror. My long, strawberry blonde hair seemed surreal. My entire appearance, in fact, seemed like it belonged in a painting of a girl with no adventure.

The only thing I believed about my appearance were my big green eyes. I was a bit short to be 16, I knew. Most people thought I was a delicate little 13 year old. Maria said that I was patiet, Mother said I was too small. The night sky was dark as a raven's feathers. The night felt calm and quiet, too quiet.

I thought about Mush. How his eyes looked through me, not narrowly at me like Mother's. And my nick name for him is Rosie. Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. The name tickled me pink (no pun intended). And he wanted to see me again. I blew out the candle and went back to bed. I eventually dosed off.

2 WEEKS LATER

"Caitlyn Rose! Caitlyn Rose!" Mother's shrill voice carried through the room as I sat up in bed.

"What?" I mumbled, rubbing my eyes from the blinding sun streaming through the windows.  
"Get up! Matilda has just passed and we need to go to town to set up arrangements!" I rolled my eyes. She was treating as if Matilda had ment to die, just to displease Mother. I got out of bed and went to go wash my face.  
"Okay, how soon do we leave?" I looked at her, she looked apauled. Her icy blue eyes were narrowly staring at me.  
"We leave as soon as you get ready. So, hurry up!" She left the room and Maria came in. She helped me with my corset, which I got last year, and I slipped into my outfit. After pinning up my hair, I almost ran down the entire flight of stairs (Mother yelled at me). I was going to see the newsie. I was going to see Mush.

Mush's POV

I have figured out why they call me Mush. Every time I meet a girl that I actually like, my heart turns to mush. It's been two weeks and I can't get her out of my head.

Racetrack came in. "Hey, Mush, d'ya know a goil by the name of, uh- Rosie?" I perked up.  
"Yeah, why"  
"She's at Tibby's and was askin' me for ya."


	4. Seeing Mush

**Disclaimer:I don't own Newsies, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!**

I walked into the place Mush had said to, Tibby's. I sat down at an empty table and waited. I don't know what for. I just sat there waiting. A short guy came up to me. His eyes were dark brown and had a twinkle of mischief is them. His hair was covered by a black hat. "What're ya doin' alone in a place like this, angel face"  
"I'm waiting for someone." I sounded like a prude, but I don't like being called angel face!  
"Anyone I would know?" He sat backwards in the chair across from me.  
"Do you know a boy named Mush-" oh no! I don't know his last name!  
Luckily, he knew exactly who I meant, "Mush? Yeah. He's still sellin' his papes, I think. I'm Racetrack, by da way." He looked at me, "You must be the goil he's been mopin' over da past two weeks. D'ya want me to get 'im for ya"  
"That would be excellent." I smiled. He was moping over me? He likes me? Let's not get carried away here. He's probably moping over someone else. Racetrack started to leave.  
He turned back around, "By the way, who should I tell 'im you are"  
"Say it's Rosie." He raised his eyebrows and left. I sat there and ordered something to drink. About twenty minutes later, Mush and Racetrack came in.  
"Rosie?"  
"Mush?"  
"Rosie!"  
"Mush!"  
"Racetrack!" Racetrack shouted. I looked at Mush. He looked good. Really good. He smiled. "What're ya doin' here?" He put his hand on my shoulder. I grabbed it.  
"One of the maids died so, Mother asked me to come with her to town." He pulled away, looking sad. "But the real reason I'm here is to see you, of course." He smiled and grabbed my hand. Racetrack rolled his eyes.  
"Getta room, ya two!" I blushed and looked away. Mush glared at Racetrack, "what? I was just kidding." "Yeah, what ever." Suddenly, two boys, one with brown hair and a red bandana tied around his neck and the other with dark brown curly hair came walking up to Mush.  
"Where'd ya run off to, Mush?" The one with the curly hair asked.  
"And who's the lovely lady yous hangin' out wit?" The other one chimmed in, grabbing my hand away from Mush and kissing it. Mush got red in the face and gave him the death stare. "Hi, I'm Jack. Jack Kelly." His voice was smooth as honey.  
Racetrack laughed and said, "don't mess wit Mush's goil!"  
"Mush's goil? Oh, yous must be da goil 'e's been mopin' ova not seein' the past two weeks." Mush turned bright red. I smiled.  
"Mush's goil, huh?" I turned to look at him. He shuffled his feet and looked down.  
"They's jist think yous are is all," he mumbled. The boys all looked at each other, grinning ear to ear. I was openly smiling at the thought.  
"Hey, Rosie," Racetrack began, "d'ya wanna have lunch wit us?"  
"Oh, I guess"  
"NO!" Mush looked at me worriedly.  
"Why not? You don't want your girlfriend to be stolin' or sumptin?"Jack smiled at the thought.  
"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW OLD SHE IS!" Mush exploded.  
"She's probably not as young as she looks," Jack looked at me, "how old are yous anyhow?"  
"Sixteen," I said, blushing from all the attention.  
"SEE!"Jack smiled, "no problem. I've dated goils younga than yous." He put his arm around me.  
Mush pulled Jack's arm off of me and put his own arm around my waist protectively. I smiled and tried hard to not giggle. I looked at Mush and leaned on him. "Mush, I would kinda like to eat wit you and da boys." I had already picked up their thick accent. Mother would think it atrocious. It rocked!  
He looked at me and sighed, "oh, all right." I got caught up in the moment and kissed his cheek. The boys oohed at this and Mush smiled and kissed me back on the forehead. Racetrack rolled his eyes again and pulled up some more seats and we all sat down. I sat in between Jack (through no fault of my own) and Mush. The waiter came up and took our orders.  
"You are great, Rosie. You really are," David said giggleing. He, along with Racetrack, Jack, and Kid Blink (who had gotten there during their ordering), was drunk. David tried to kiss me and Mush punched him in the jaw. Jack laughed.  
"We should make 'er an official member of da newsies." They all looked at him. "What? It's a good idea. Don't you tink, Mush"  
"That'd be great. As long as it's not anyting too dangerous." They all looked at him.  
"Okay...what cin she do?" Jack raised his eyebrows and smiled at me. Mush pushed him. "Ah, not like that!" Kid blink exclaimed.

I went out to find Mother. I found her with two hat boxes and six bags, her maid carried them, of coures. "Mother!" I walked up to her. "Is it okay if I stay here and shop soma? I's was just about ta git a new dress." She covered her mouth and gasped. She looked behind me.  
"Caitlyn Rose Elizabeth Miller! Who are those street rats following you around? And why are you talking like them?" I looked behind me. Jack, Mush, Kid Blink, Racetrack, and David had all followed me. I turned bright red, knowing how much Mother's disapproval hurt. They all were shuffleing their feet and stareing at the ground. Mush scratched the back of his neck.  
"Oh, them? They were uh...they were just-" I didn't want to hurt the guys, but I didn't want to feel the wrath of my mother.  
"We was jist helpin' yous daughta around town, Mrs. Miller." A voice said in almost a terrified squeek. I looked to see that the voice came from Jack. I smiled slightly, thank you, Jack!

Mother's eyes narrowed and got that look that made you wish you were anywhere but there (even in Calcuta). "I'll bet you were." Her cold voice rang in my ear, thought it was barely above a wisper. Jack got red and looked at me. I really wanted for all this to go away. "Caitlyn Rose, you may shop some more, as long as you stay far from them." I knodded my head. "How are you going to get home?"

"I can walk home, Mother. It's not that far of a walk and-"  
"Caitlyn Rose, I do not want to hear everything. Just get home before 6 o'clock."  
My ears were burning with embarassment, "Yes, Mother." With that she turned and left. I walked away and motioned for the boys to follow me. They walked alittle father behind, in case Mother could see.

We all walked into Tibby's and I felt like crying. The boys wouldn't like me now. They would think I'm some stuck up snoot who was being raised as another high-society twit. And I was. This thought put me in a panic as I sat down. The guys sat down with me. Mush sat on my left and David sat to my right.  
"Well, your mother is uh-clean," David stated as I stared at the table. The other guys started laughing.  
Mush gave me a side hug.

"It's okay, we know ya ain't like her." I instantly sprouted a smile on my face. These guys, most of them who I've known for less than a day, were more caring and involved than my own mother!  
"I'm sorry 'bout what she said, guys"  
"We know!" They all said in unison.

**A/N: Sorry guys, I tried to make this chapter long, but I have had a really buisy week and...ARRG! Anyway, I was going to combine this chapter with what is going to happen in the next chapter, but ther ya go! Please read and review! PS- Nicole, I hope you like this chapter. I know it's not adventure filled, but it's a start! Get your chapter for Seize the Day done soon! LUV YA!**

**Caffinated,**

**Kayls**


	5. The Initiation

**Disclaimer: I don't own Newsies. This goes for the rest of the story 'cause I'm getting sick of writing this so...yeah )**

The sun was setting into the water. I looked off into the distance as I slipped off my dress, revealing my undergarments (but still in my under skirts). The boys all wistled and I made an obscene gesture at them. The crisp wind was brushing up against my skin and it gave me chills. I tapped my toe into the water, which was surpisingly warm for Autumn. "Okay," the boy named Spot, who they had met in Brooklyn said in an irregularly calm voice, "this is a part of the newsie initiation process"  
"'Ey, Spot, since when did ya know such a big woid?" Jack interupted.  
Spot eyed Jack. "I jist do. Anyway, you will be competing against-" Spot scanned the crowed of boys around them, he found one, "Fishy, here." A guy with tan skin and black hair looked up at Spot with big green eyes.  
"Fishy? She ain't ever gonna win against Fishy, his life is da wata!" One of the boys exclaimed.  
"Too bad, I've chosen allready. Here are da rules. Fiost, you must stay unda wata longa than Fishy in orda to win. Second," he turned to Mush, "NO ONE CAN INTERFERE!" Mush gave Spot a dirty look. Spot went on, "thoid, ya caint wear you's hair like dat." I looked at him and pulled my hair down from it's slightly lopsided bun. My hair went don to the middle of my back. Mush looked at me and smiled. Not a mischeiviouse smile, but a friendly one. What was he thinking? "ok, when I say, jusp in da wata and stay dere 'till Fishy is out. Ready?" We both knodded. "GO!" I jumped in. I opened my eyes underwater and just stared at Fishy.

We stayed under for quite a while, untill I realised he was sinking and turning an odd color. I swam over to him. He was unconciouse! Itryed pulling him up, but my skirts were too heavy so, I stripped them off. I finally got him and myself to the top and Spot and Jack helped to get Fishy on the deck. Mush gave me his arm and helped me up. Someone knew how to revive him and did. I was shaking in fear of what could happen. Fishy coughed and looked at me. "You jist saved me!" He said, breathing deep. I looked at him and he smiled wistfully at me. I could barely bring myself to breathe. I nearly fainted. I was soaked from my head to my toes. My eyes were begining to get watery. I felt strong arms wrap around my waist, gingerly, as if I would easily break in half. I looked up and there was Mush. He was so close to me that I could hear his soft breath getting faster. My eyes fluttered.  
Everyone had stayed silent. Mush took me by the hand and pulled me off to a more privet place. He cupped my chin in his large, but surprisingly gentle hands. I realised how I must have looked. A skinny rich girl in nothing but her undergerments and a corset, as pale as a gost and wet. I suddenly felt so very self-conciouse and aware of my surroundings. The sun was setting and the boys had backed off to give us more space. I looked up into his big, puppie brown eyes and saw more than eyes should give away. I had recently become obsessed with the depth of people's eyes. Most of the time, I could read my mother's, though her's wasn't a surprise. She always had the same, forbiding look. One wrong move and it could easily be over for me. But with Mush, I saw something that I rarely saw in anyone's eyes...at least for me. Genuine consern. My mother honestly didn't care weather I was dead or alive, as long as I behaved myself. Father was obliviouse to the fact that I even existed at all.

But not Mush. It wasn't just concern that I found in his eyes, but something way less innocent, desire. I shivered and looked away. That was a look that my older sister, May, had aquired many times. I had gotten that look a couple of times since May moved out of the house with her perfect husband. I realised that maybe it wasn't such a bad look, coming from him. My eyelids fluttered again and I suddenly wanted to kiss him. He seemed so...free, perfect, and sweet. I didn't know what to say. Luckily, we didn't need to talk. He pulled me closer to him and kissed me. I got butterflies in my stomache. I smiled, but trying hard not to.  
We walked back to the other guys. "Welcome to da newsies."

**A/N: Sorry, I know that it seems a bit short...I'm really trying hard...I just have so many stories and such that I wanted to get this fluff out before I got to the meat. It should be more "meaty" from now on...even though I'm a vegiterian and the thought of meat repulses me...but so what? Anyway, review and I'll be happy.**

**Caffinated,**

**Kayl**


	6. Darkest Night

"Glorious mermaid, here my cry, I'll be your love until I die. Let me be your love tonight. Be my love all of my life…" two boys sang drunkenly as I made my way to the wall. My new nickname was Mermaid. They made up a song, as I was one of the first girl newsies…the only one in Manhattan.

"Shhh!" I scolded at Race and Mush. I climbed up to my window, in nothing but my underclothing. I was just as drunk as they were, but was better at stifling my laughter. I was soaking and it was 11:30 at night, but I didn't care. I felt so free that nothing could have dampened my spirits. Nothing, that is, except my mother, sitting in my room, with a lit candle in her hand.

"Caitlyn Rose!" She scolded, loudly. I flinched and waved at Mush and Race to run. "It's 11:30 at night! Where were you?" She hissed.  
"Mother, I'm tired and you're a stuck up prick! So why don't you jist be quiet…okay?" I covered my mouth, knowing that what I had just said would be an eternal change in my life. For the better or for the worse…I had yet to find out.

She grabbed my wrist and yanked me to my bed. This was the fourth time this month she had caught me sneaking back in past curfew. She slapped me across the face. The sting of her hand burned my freezing cheek. She grabbed my shoulders, her nails digging in so deep I wanted to cry, but bit my tongue. This was the eighth time this month that she had hit me. "What are you? You are certainly not my daughter! You prance around in your underwear with boys who are illiterate and filthy street trash." That was the comment that got to me. I could have taken any insult towards me. I could even take her physical abuse. But she insulted my family, and that can't be forgotten easily.

"Who are you to say what the people I love are?" Tears started streaking down my face. "Who are you to tell me not to prance around in my underwear? To take away freedom that was bestowed upon me as God intended?" She slapped me again. I was getting her angry and I could tell. She walked out of my room and locked the door. I fell asleep two minutes later out of pure exhaustion.

The next two day, my door was locked and the lights were off. I wanted to climb out my window, but they had put bars on them while I was sleeping. Mush knocked on the glass the first day, but I couldn't get up and answer it because my mother had come in and tightened my corset and I didn't have any food. He gave up after a little while. I wanted so badly for him to come and rescue me. The pain of no food, mixed with that awful corset, and now this…it was almost too much to bear. Almost.

"Caitlyn Rose," I faintly heard my mother's voice at the door. "Get dressed and come downstairs." I started to tremble with fear. Her voice was calm as death. I got up the courage to get up and get dressed after she had left and closed the door. I chose my blood-red dress. I pinned my hair up and put some rouge on my face, knowing full and well that if I didn't, the punishment would be worse—way worse.

I walked uneasily down the steps. I hadn't walked in days…and probably wouldn't walk if I didn't think my life depended on it. A middle-aged man with full, graying hair stood at the bottom of the stairs. He greeted me at the bottom with a smile. He kissed my hand and said, "pleasure to meet you, Miss Caitlyn." I could feel myself growing pale. This wasn't going to be good.

I greeted him with a soft and polite "hello" and flashed a quick glance at my mother. She was smiling. This is bad. She esscorted us into the living room.

"So, are you excited?"

I blinked. "About what?" I looked over at mother.

"About our up coming marriage…of course." I nodded before it set in. Wait, what?

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

"We're getting married…" my eyes widened. "…Next week. Why do you not remember that?"

I glared at my mother. "I apologize, I wasn't told." I stood up to leave the room.

**A/N: oh dear...what ever will happen? hey, guys, i'm sorry for a) making this too short, b) waiting so long (i've been really busy)...and c) not capitalizing this message (i'm tired...22 hours of sleep...is the total of all the sleep i've had this week...). Please review...it will give me more incentive and i love to have my work commented on! ily y'all!**

**adorably messed up,**

**Kayl**


	7. Apology in Blood

**Disclaimer:I don't own the Newsies...o...if only I did...anyway...enjoy!!!**

Mother stood up and blocked my way, "Caitlyn Rose, where on earth do you think you are going?"

"I'm going up to my room to pack. I'm not going to get married. Not to him." I looked at the confused man apologetically. I ran up to my room and flung the door open. I quickly slid off my dress and took out my suitcase. I looked into the mirror to observe myself for a minute. My cheeks were red and my hair had somehow managed to become a knot. I grabbed a couple of dresses and such from the closet.

Mother came in. Her narrow eyes burned with a furry. "Caitlyn Rose, you are not leaving this house! The invitations for the engagement ball have already been sent out.

"So everyone knew that I'm getting married except for me?" I was outraged and, for the first time, I didn't really care what the punishment was.

Mother did something very strange then. She hugged me. I knew her motive as soon as she dug her nails into my spine. She drew her mouth to my ear.

"Leave here and I will make sure that the boy you are going to catches his death, and soon," she whispered into my ear. She kissed my cheek and exited the room. A tear rolled down my cheek and I felt as if I had been slapped. I spent the night crying on my bed.

_ What can I do?_ I thought through my tears. _I can't risk Mush, his heart or his life._ I had never been in love before, but I had read about it in books. The girls would swoon whenever their lover was near and they always had a hidden smile attatched to their faces. I wondered if what I felt for Mush was love. We were together, we kissed a lot, but he didn't know too much about me. He knew that Mother was strict, and evil, but he didn't know why I always had bruises all over my arms and back when we went to the lake in Brooklyn and skinny-dipped. Or even why I always wore a part of my hair over my face so that he wouldn't see the scar and red marks from Mother's cruel hand. _What would he think of me then?_ I wondered as my brain began to shut down. _Would he still care about me if he knew the things I know?_

Before I could control myself, I was asleep. I dreamed of Mush's warm smile, as it caressed my own. He bent his head lower and kissed my neck. I smiled.

"I miss your smile," he whispered. I looked at him, like he was actually there, like I could actually touch him.

"Mush, you know that I'm staying here for you, don't you?"

"Don't marry him," Mush looked me in the eyes and my breath was gone. "Please, I love you."

"But, Mush--" then, before I knew what was happening, Mother had a knife to Mush's throat. Then I woke up.

I looked at the mirror, not at the reflection in it, just at the possibilities of something sharp. I took a good look in the mirror, then took the candleholder and smashed it. I didn't make a big enough piece to use, so I tried again. This time, I got a shard and big piece out of it. I took it to my wrist and pressed the makeshift blade against my skin. The blood didn't come nearly as quickly as I had anticipated and I found myself sawing into my skin. Blood started to pool up on my skin and I gasped. I took one of my dresses and ripped part of the fabric as a tourniquet.

I cried and held my arm as things got black. "I'm sorry, Mush." I whispered through my tears, "I'm sorry."

**A/N:I'm so sorry that it has been such a long time. I feel really loserish for not putting this up sooner...school, ya know? Anywho, I also apologize that this is so short. I will definatly update this sooner. REVIEW!!!**


	8. A Dull World

"Ey, Mushy, we love her too, but maybe you should forget about her."

I didn't move, I didn't say anything. It had been 3 weeks and we had heard nothing about her. I didn't trust myself with her name. With her name, who knew what I was capable of? I looked to my right; Jack was sitting inches away from me and looking at me, expecting me to say something. The words wouldn't come out of my throat.

Today, as I was selling the papes, one of the redheads down by the docks came up to me and said, "you Nick Meyer?" I nodded. "I gots a letter for you'se." He pulled it out of his bag and handed it to me. All that was on the envelope were the words "Nick Meyer" scrolled across it in neat print. I opened it carefully, not wanting to ruin the contents inside it.

I pulled it out now for the guys to see. Turning my face away to wipe my eyes, I gave it to Jack. "What is this?" Jack asked quietly. The room fell silent.

"Open it," I whispered, "read it."

He did. "Mr. Nick Meyer," Jack's voice was slow, "We regret to inform you that our daughter, Caitlyn Rose Miller, has passed away. Do not respond to this letter." The room was dead silent. Each word had ripped at a tiny bit of my heart. I had already memorized the entire thing, but it still hurt so bad to hear it. I felt like crying. I didn't notice until the guys started gathering around me that I actually was crying. My insides were ripped out and totally exposed for everyone to see.

Racetrack shook his head and sat down next to me. He had always had a small crush on her. All the guys did. She had been slender and tiny as could be. She, the image of my desire, had died. The tears in my eyes just poured out faster and faster. I had never cried before, not like this. I know that it is imasculine, but I just couldn't help myself.

No one spoke. Everyone just sat in silence and their own different ways of grieving. Jack looked up from the page, his own eyes a bit more moist than usual, and spoke, "Maybe it's not such a good idea to go out tonight." The others, some eyes glazed over, others with numb expressions, all nodded in agreement.

We all eventually went to bed, soundlessly. From that moment on, I knew nothing could ever feel right again.

And the months passed

July

August

September

October

Four months had passed. My heart still broken, my smile still vanished. The world, it seemed, had stopped at Cay-at _her _disappearance. The flowers even grieved, the earth a dull, dull landscape.

I still work--I need the money--but I take no pleasure in my work. Time, though had gone by without warning, had also stopped in my heart and head. It felt as if I was asleep. The whole world was just a horrible nightmare, a living nightmare.

I know now how much I had loved her, and still do. Not a day passes by without my breath catching at the sight of the strawberry blonde hair of some proper girl, without my heart stopping every time I hear my name uttered by a female passerby that I have met at some point or another.

I was trapped by her, unable to move on. Now, I am laying in bed, the smallest of noises crossing my ears. I am hoping for another dream of her, alive and well. It was pretty risky—most nights I wind up waking up with horrible memories of the letter—but it's worth a shot.

And…a thought crosses my mind. _How? How did she die? _This thought had not even crossed my mind. And my mind, as numb as it was, became curious. _How did she die? How had I not thought about this before? _But now I thought. Oh, how I thought.My thoughts wondered to her bruises, looking almost a perfect blue and purple under the ethereal moonlight. And the scratches she tried to hide with her hair…how could I not have asked, not have wondered?

And suddenly, for the first time in months, I felt awake. I felt alive.

**A/N: My goodness, didn't think you were gonna see an update, did you? Well, I came across this and decided that it may have some potential anyway. I may update soon, if I hear a hollar that you all are interested. So, if you want to read more, pretty please review. **


	9. Please Leave

The fog rolled into the streets the next morning. I had not slept. I just kept wondering. Thinking. Now that I was awake and curios, what would I do with that curiosity? Should I just leave it or act like the entire thing had never happened? Or should I attempt to satisfy my curiosity?

I rubbed my eyes, trying hard to contemplate the decision that I had been trying to make all night. I knew what I must do. I went inside—I had been sitting on the fire escape—and got dressed. Some of the guys were already awake, like Jack.

"Ey, Mush. What have you been doin' out there?" he asked, assuming I wouldn't answer. I rarely answered a question these days. There had seemed to be no point.

But today, there was. "Thinkin', Jackie Boy, thinkin'."

He smiled at me. He must have been glad that I was sounding normal. I ducked out before I was supposed to smile back, I honestly wasn't sure that I could.

I sold my papes, I went to Tibby's to get a drink, and I went somewhere I had sworn to never go back to—Rosie's house. A few months ago, I had gotten extremely drunk and decided to take a trip to my dearly deceased's house. They had to call five servants to get me away from the door.

I remembered something else—an odd sort of glow--a sort of candle light--came from Rosie's room that night, and I could have sworn I had seen a silhouette. I must have been imagining things that night, so desperate for the tiniest bit of hope. All hope, since then, had been completely diminished.

Today, in broad daylight, I walked up to the house and banged on the door until a pleasantly plump woman with caramel colored hair answered the door. "May I help you,Monsieur?" Her voice was unnaturally sweet for a woman of her age, it was almost a bit off.

"What happened to Caitlyn?" This time I wasn't drunk. This time I was in control of the words coming out of my mouth. And this time…oh this time…this time it would take more than a couple harsh servant hands to tear me away from what I desired most…at the current moment.

Answers.

The woman's jaw dropped. Oh hell yeah, she knew who I was. Her features turned blank and she said, "please leave."

Yeah right. She attempted to close the door on me, but I stuck my foot in. "I'm not leaving here without some answers." I realized that my tone made me sound like a lunatic—I honestly didn't care. The more afraid she was, the more answers I was going to get.

Her eyes looked at me, pleading. "Mush." I stopped dead in my tracks. She knew my name. "Mush, stop. She's dead. You're only hurting yourself!" The woman hissed.

"Please, what could possibly hurt worse than knowing the woman you love is six feet underground and not even knowing why?" The whole area felt as if it were in a cloud, the silence cut across the world with its merciless blade.

Yes, and this is the fact that I had admitted in my sleep and in my dreams but else where, not. I loved her, regardless of her state of…er…rest. There was absolutely nothing I could ever miss more than her and her touch and the way her hair looked like the branches of a tree—a very light tree—when it was wet…but no, this was not what I had come here for. I had came here for answers. And answers I was bound and determined to get.

Just as the woman opened her mouth to speak, another voice spoke in the background. "Nick Meyer, eh?" The voice was not feminine, not kind, as you may imagine. No, it was a cold voice. It was the voice of my past. "I really thought you got the message last time you came here. I guess I will have to repeat it; stay away." He grabbed me by the scruff of my shirt and held a pistol to my stomach.

I wasn't afraid. At this point, I would love to be six feet under earth level with my love. "What happened to Rosie? And why are you here, you bastard?"

He gave a quick smirk and a mechanical laugh and said, "your beloved dear ended her life of her own accord." My world spun to a stop. _What? How? Why?_ My mind hissed. I felt incredibly dead. And just when I think that the world has come to a screeching halt, it doesn't. And he continues, "as to why I am here, lets consider our pasts, how intertwined! And if we consider the fact that this," he shoved the pistol into my stomach some more, "is the same pistol that killed you're sister er—what was her name? Brianna?"

I growled, "Rhiannon." And I closed my eyes, trying my hardest not to remember the other face that haunted my thoughts and dreams. Rhiannon had been my little sister, only six at the time of her murder. She had been the sweetest little girl on the entire planet. And that was the bastard who had taken her away from me. A sudden surge of rage passed over me and I found myself attempting to strangle him.

It didn't work.

He cocked the gun. A little voice found its way into my heart and screamed _run._ My feet were carrying me faster than I could have ever imagined—I was always a fairly slow runner. He swore loudly and i felt a stinging in my left arm, but I didn't dare stop to see what had happened.

I ran all the way back to the Newsboy's Lodging House, my arm bleeding without rest the entire way there. By the time I was there, my legs no longer felt the need to be attatched to my body; therefore they just went limp, carrying me along with them. I had spent a good five minutes lying with my face pushed up against the wet pavement of the rainy afternoon, when I heard a faint voice.

"Mush? Oh…God. C'mon, Ittey, we'd better get him inside." And I felt my body being lifted off the ground.

And even when I thought that the pain would kill me before I even got in the door, I remembered the reason why I didn't stop running, the reason why I wasn't about to give up, that one little word that had reset my heart: _run._


End file.
